


when you shake your hips that way, i don't care what you say

by bleuh



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Drunk Consent is Not Consent, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kinda, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pre-Canon, Psychological Trauma, but like it edges the line hard, the emotional trauma of having sex with and falling in love with, the man who commit genocide against ur whole family and clan, then sold their eyes on the black market bc "im sad and poor or something lmao"
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:08:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29353968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleuh/pseuds/bleuh
Summary: "So you think I'm hot?"Kurapika choked on his own saliva, abruptly coughing into his elbow and his eyes watering. His raven-haired companion sat up from where he lay down and gently pet his back. Kurapika could see the others smug smile out of the corner of his eye.His cheeks were hot against the frosty night air. He took in a deep breath, regaining control of himself and turned his head away from the other man."No." He murmured. It sounded like a lie to both of their ears.
Relationships: Genei Ryodan | Phantom Troupe & Kurapika, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer & Kurapika, Kuroro Lucifer/Kurapika | Chrollo Lucifer/Kurapika
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	1. I Would Never Rust, Underneath You

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from 'Michelle' by Sir Chloe :D
> 
> Their ages have been adjusted to fit the story. Kurapika is 18 in the first 'proper' scene, and Chrollo is 22. Age gap is roughly four years, and will follow thus through the whole story.
> 
> Drunk consent is not consent. This story is not meant to glorify, promote or encourage having sex under the influence.
> 
> Number of chapters may change.

_Darling, when I'm fast asleep_

_I've seen this person watching me_

_Saying, "Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?"_

\- Line Without A Hook, Ricky Montgomery -

* * *

Sweat trickled down his brow as his body jerked from an unnerving, unsatisfying slumber, soft pants leaving his lips. He blinked thrice, then took a deep breath and collapsed back onto the thin mattress, letting the tension leaving his body and trying not to consider the blood red ceiling.

Kurapika was used to mornings like this. 

A week later and he was on the road again, travelling to the next town over. It was longer than the last trip, a few hours drive. Or, well, about 15 hours straight of walking, roughly, if he kept up his pace.

It was fine though. He liked the walks, the maps, the empty forests, the barren deserts. The freezing nights, humid days. 

He liked it.

He did, and if he ever thought he didn't, he would think about something else.

Yet there was never really much to think about. Not anymore.

Odd jobs were odd.

They took him odd places where he met odd people. Odd people who told him he was special. So special with his pretty little eyes. So special with his beautiful, burning eyes. Such beauty they want to lock it in a cage and stare for eternity.

' _Stare'_ , he mused. "No use in staring when you're dead." He spoke.

Blood spilled from their bodies, but he could not distinguish it from his own tears.

He stared wearing contacts when he took odd jobs.

It took ten months to stop seeing red, and when he did he cried so hard that he saw red again.

It took a further four for him to go a full day without red seeping into his vision and tainting the world.

He thinks he loves it, the red. It was there so often that it was hard not to grow fond of it, so deeply rooted into his feelings it was hard not to associate it with the burning rage and grief. 

Even if he was alone, even if he was dead to the world, himself cast away for the beauty his red held, even if it was the reason for everything, the red would always be there.

Red was his always.

* * *

Kurapika had drank twice in his lifetime. 

Once, when he was twelve and got dared to by one of the older kids - causing him to get borderline emotionally scarred from the sheer rage his parents and the elders expressed - and the second time being right now, in a seedy bar in a seedy part of town.

He didn't really mind that though, what he did mind was that he decided on a stroke of genius to dress up more feminine. Meaning that almost every patron in the damned place leered at him the second he entered and he knew for a fact that at least three of them had stared at his ass when he went to sit down. 

It was as if none of them had ever seen femininity in their lives.

He scoffed lightly at himself and took a swig from his drink. It was bitter, and gross, and he had no idea what it was, but it was getting him quite tipsy, so he didn't really mind.

A distant part of him mind was yelling at him for his actions, but he ignored it.

It was the four year anniversary of his clan's genocide. 

This day exactly, he'd wandered back into his home even as the smell of metal filled his nose and his eyes watered from the smoke in the air. This day he'd seen the bloodied, eyeless corpses of his family.

He downed the rest of his drink and ordered another, something strong.

A shiver ran though him and he felt sick. He didn't want to think about this, he didn't want to know what he knew, he didn't want to see red. 

He _wanted_ to get wasted, stomp on a spider until it was paste and pass out for fourteen hours. 

But he could only _really_ do one of those things properly, so he'd have to settle for this shabby bar full of misogynistic, creepy patrons. Kurapika took a long sip then let a small sigh leave his lips, when suddenly a presence settled next to him. He tensed slightly, glancing to his side completely ready to slap them if it were one of the brutes trying to hit on him.

It wasn't and his drink was placed in front of him by the bartender.

And he'd probably be more grateful for that if he wasn't utterly focused on running his eyes up and down the guy who sat next to him. _'Shit.'_ He thought dumbly. 

The man turned his head towards Kurapika and the blonde forgot the date for a split second. His cheeks were flushed from the drinks and his head was spinning and he wanted a little more than to get drunk and kill someone and sleep.

"You know the legal drinking age is twenty-one, right?" The man said, and Kurapika almost dropped his drink. 

Instead he blinked at the man then scoffed slightly, a small smile settling on his lips. He stomach did a flip and he no longer knew if it was because of the alcohol. 

He should go home.

"Really? I never knew. Let me go turn myself into the authorities." He muttered sarcastically then internally froze in shock at himself. Maybe he should go turn himself into the authorities.

The man at his side chuckled. A dark noise, one that made his cheeks light up a bit further than what could be excused on intoxication. 

"Everyone's staring at us." He stated simply after a few seconds.

Kurapika paused in what was meant to be contemplation, but his head was full of thoughts of the chance to forget.

"Then let's get out of here." He replied.

* * *

Chrollo did not intend to inadvertedly hit on the blonde girl.

He especially did not intend to be leaving a shady bar and by extension four of the spiders with her to god-knows-where. 

But her face was flushed and she was tugging on his sleeve and he had drunk far too much that night, wrapped up in being with his pseudo family. God. They would never let him live this down.

Chrollo was positive they all saw him leave with her, the way his cheeks were slightly flushed and his eyes slightly unfocused. He smiled gently at the thought of them. It'd been a while since he saw some of them, and they'd just pulled off a lovely heist at the previous city, so they got drinks to celebrate. 

Not often did he drink, but Uvo and Shalnark were there, so. You couldn't really blame him.

"Wanna- wanna get ice-cream?" The girl asked, bringing him back to the present. He quirked an eyebrow to her. 

"Ice-cream?" 

"Yeah."

"It's the middle of winter."

"Yeah." 

He blinked, then giggled a little. _'Oh god, I really am drunk.'_

"Yeah," Chrollo gasped out. "Let's."

The girl smiled up at him and he stumbled slightly, causing her, who was still holding his arm to almost fall. Neither of them would probably remember this the next day. 

She was pretty, he was riding the high of a flawless job, and they were both wasted.

They got ice-cream and Kurapika thought he had sobered up a little but then he and the other man were debating about what qualified as 'ground'.

"You are a fucking idiot." 

"No. You're just making absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"How. How does saying 'the roof is not ground because ground is a body of LAND underneath someone, not just any surface you can tread on' not make sense?! You can just stand on a floating plank of wood and then-"

"No because ground is just whatever's underneath you!"

"IT LITERALLY ISN'T."

"NO IT LITERALLY IS-"

"How is someone as hot as you this fucking dumb-"

"ITS JUST THE BASIC DEFINITION-"

"ARE YOU ILLITERATE-"

Kurapika cut himself off to catch his breath with the man next to him. After a second or two he giggled, and then they were both laughing hysterically. 

The blonde wiped a tear from his eye and sighed into the cold air. They had situated themselves on some random rooftop, their half eaten ice-cream sitting behind them as they dangled their feet off the flat edge of the building. Kurapika was pretty sure it was abandoned, but that was fine.

"So you think I'm hot?"

Kurapika choked on his own saliva, abruptly coughing into his elbow and his eyes watering. His raven-haired companion sat up from where he lay down and gently pet his back. Kurapika could see his smug smile out of the corner of his eye.

His cheeks were hot against the frosty night air. He took in a deep breath, regaining control of himself and turned his head away from the other man. 

"No." He muttered out. A lie. 

The other chuckled and it echoed in Kurapika's now hot ears, his stomach once again doing flips and the dark sound.

"I think you're pretty." Kurapika whipped his head back around to stare at the other, his face going scarlet and the other man's face close. He spluttered out something along the lines of "You can't say that.", completely flustered.

"Why not? A girl like you deserved to be complimented."

Kurapika froze, his mind blanking for a split second before he replayed the words in his head about three times. 

He stared at the raven-haired man next to him in silence, baffled. It must have shown on his face too, because the other man laughed at him, misreading his emotions. 

"What's with that face?" He giggled, child-like glee on his face for no reason other than being intoxicated. Kurapika stared harder.

"...I'm not a girl." He said after a moment of deliberation. Better to he honest, he supposed. That and he was still no where near sober and getting pissed at the other was _not_ on his priority list. Kurapika then immediately realised that perhaps nothing on said list would be fulfilled should the other have different preferences.

The blonde then panicked for approximately for one point seven seconds. 

He would have for a significantly longer time, had soft lips not pressed against his, freezing him to his spot before his body realised its situation and immediately reciprocated the action, pressing the two of them together. The taller man's hand slipped around his waist, the other cradling the back of his head as their lips moved together.

Kurapika didn't even notice his eyes slipping shut, or his right hand coming up to caress the others cheek until the other man pulled back and disconnected them, instead placing his fabric covered forehead against the blonde's. 

"You're pretty." He said simply. 

Kurapika inhaled sharply, cheeks flushing again, then pulled the taller man back into a kiss. 

It was rougher this time, their lips sliding against each other, burning skin like fire against the cool midnight air. Kurapika's hands slid up to the others head and he tangled his fingers in raven hair, causing the hand on his waist to tighten slightly and their kiss to deepen, the other's tongue sliding against the seem of his lip. 

Kurapika paused, unsure of what to do, when the other bit his bottom lip lightly, causing his lips to part slightly in a gasp. The other man deepened their kiss, his tongue invading Kurapika's mouth and rendering his breathless. Yet he only pulled away when his lungs were burning, and his lower abdomen seared with something he didn't quite want to actively acknowledge.

The taller man seemed to understand, and they simultaneously pulled back slightly, a thin line of saliva snapped between them, and Kurapika felt dizzy with desire. Desire for the other man, desire to forget.

And when he looked up into the others eyes he could tell he felt the same. His eyes were unfocused, and if Kurapika was even a sliver less intoxicated he would probably pull away. End it there. 

But he wasn't. So instead he stared into the other man's just as intoxicated eyes and connected their lips once again, immediately deepening it until it turned messy and desperate and hot and he was being pulled into the others lap, and they were shivering and breathless.

He ground down onto the other man and gasped at the friction. He pulled away from Kurapika and stared at him, causing Kurapika to moan lightly and grind down once again. They both groaned and Kurapika knew he should stop.

He didn't.

Chrollo gripped the blondes waist and pulled him down, grinding their arousals together and the noise the blonde made would be permanently treasured in his head. His head spun and he could practically feel the alcohol thrumming through him. It didn't matter. He wanted more, and he always got what he wanted.

He grabbed the back of the others thighs and pulled himself up while the blonde wrapped his legs around his torso, arms tightening their grip on his shoulders, letting out an adorable yelp at the unexpected change of position. 

Chrollo sauntered to the side of the building, pressing light kisses into the blonde's neck as he did so. He jumped off the side, the startled close-mouthed scream the blonde in his arms making him smile in amusement. They landed cleanly, the smaller panting gently and him just about ready to throw his against the wall of the alley they were in and fuck him against the wall until he was writhing in pleasure-

Instead he asked, "Do you want to return to your hotel room? Presuming you have one." The man blinked, seeming to sober up a little, and pulled himself down from where he was being held. Chrollo let him down, albeit regretfully. 

"Uh, yeah. I don't think it's too far away from here either." He said after pondering for a second. 

And then it was like the beginning of the night, the blonde grabbing his arm and leading him around. They walked for a few minutes, the silence filled with Chrollo's breathing and the blonde's light panting from their previous actions.

By the time they'd stopped in front of a building, the blonde's breaths had grown calm and Chrollo was extremely inclined to make sure that didn't keep up for much longer. They walked in together, Chrollo following the other man's lead. 

The elevator trip felt like an eternity, and Chrollo was once again picking up the blonde and pushing him against his hotel room wall before the door to the room was even fully closed.

The blonde moaned into his mouth and Chrollo vaguely noted him closing the door fully with his foot.

It'd been a while since he let go like this, he supposed.

* * *

Kurapika woke slowly, to the faint sound of traffic outside the building. He blinked at the ceiling and sighed. His head stung and his eyes took a minute to adjust. 

He noticed there were warm arms around him and he snuggled back into them. 

Then he acknowledged there were arms wrapped around him, his legs tangled with another's. He froze. 

He was naked, his thighs hurt and he knew exactly what happened. Shards of memories filled his head, but he was unable to make proper sense of them. A minute later of mild shock and he was panicking. 

He pulled away from the warmth and went to get up but his vision blacking out and the stinging in his head caused him to pause for a second to breath, sitting up on the edge of the bed. He took in a few deep breaths and the man who lay in his bed stirred. 

Kurapika didn't need to look at him to know he had awoke and was processing the situation. 

He felt sick. 

The blonde stood on shaky legs - ignoring the groan from the other man that was a perfect combination of realization, pain and mild dread- and stumbled into the small bathroom suite. Closing the door gently behind him and sighing heavily. Kurapika glanced at himself in the mirror and grimaced, then blushed.

His hair was a mess, bags sitting under his eyes and just an overall lack of comfort radiated from his face. But he was more focused on the sheer quantity of love bites that littered his body. As if whoever made them was trying to create some sort of artwork, they traced down his neck and across his collarbone, scattered on his chest. He looked down at himself, flustered and in mild disbelief, but he was only greeted with more on the inside of his thighs and bruises on his hips. He wanted to cut them out of his skin.

Kurapika immediately grabbed some random clothing on the basin and pulled them on, relieved to find out there were boxers, were his clothes and weren't jeans or something.

Quite possibly his only other relief was that he was still wearing his contacts, even if it made it look like he had been crying. He tentatively took them out and gave his eyes some much needed eyedrops. Relief seeped into him.

He wondered if he should shower, but resolved to let the, what he supposed was a guest, do so first. He exited the bathroom a few minutes later, relieved to see the other man was still in bed, checking his phone. Kurapika didn't think he could look the other in the eyes, let alone speak to him after seeing the incriminating evidence of what they had most certainly done just the night prior.

Instead he quietly left the room, muttering out something along the lines of _"I'm making coffee."_ and treading softly into the tiny kitchenette/living room/entryway of the small room he was currently renting out, boiling water and setting out two cups. Kurapika remembered halfway through making his that he didn't know how the other man liked his coffee and reluctantly grabbed a water bottle and pack of Aspirin, trekking back into the bedroom.

The raven-haired man was still on his phone, a mildly embarrassed look on his face and Kurapika guessed he was talking to his friends who new _exactly_ what had happened. 

"Here. Do you want coffee?" He said chucking the items onto the bed and not looking directly at the other man, who had glanced up at him and tilted his head in a way that made Kurapika want to smash his head against a wall.

"Yes, thank you. Black, please, no sugar." The man smiled at him, and Kurapika's face went red, so he quickly stalked back out of the room, flustered and hating himself more than he ever had.


	2. Acting Like You Know Me Better Than I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapters short but only cus its more of a transition to next ch which'll be longer and actually have content in it(probably)

_I'm sorry that I exist_

_I forget what landed me on your blacklist,_

_But I shouldn't have to be the one that makes up with you._

_\- I'm Just Your Problem, Marceline (Adventure Time) -_

* * *

Kurapika, as Chrollo had learned, got flustered very easily and would act as though one has proposed the sky was green to him if he were ever told such a preposterous thing.

And, let it be known that Chrollo had told him such thing as much as he possibly could within the past thirty minutes he learnt the fact. If he was honest, it amused him to no end, how someone could be so brusque yet so precious at the same time. 

He praised his drunk self, because even if he didn't remember the majority of the previous night, the bits that he could told him it was most certainly worth ditching the others. Chrollo blinked at himself. Since when was anything worth ditching his family? 

He snapped himself out of his thoughts, focusing back on the blonde and what he was saying.

"-wanna shower here, or are you just gonna head out? I wouldn't have a change of clothing for you, though."

Chrollo hummed, "I'll shower here. But only if you join me." He smirked up at the other as he stood up from where he lay on the bed. 

Kurapika went scarlet, his eyes widening. Chrollo saw some form of resolve cross over his eyes, and before he knew it he was being pulled down and kissed. 

He was a little late to react, surprised that the other seemed to take him up on that offer, then smiled against the blonde's lips and deepened the kiss, pulling their bodies in close as they stumbled to the bathroom together.

They didn't actually end up doing much showering, surprising neither of them. But Kurapika didn't really mind, more focused on the relief that he managed to keep his eyes at bay for the most past, and when red began to tint his vision he had enough sense to close his eyes.

That and the mildly humiliating fact he just had sex with a borderline stranger in a hotel shower. But Chrollo didn't seem to mind. Not that Kurapika had thought he was the kind of person to mind, but it was still appreciated. 

Chrollo ended up just putting on his clothes from the previous night, Kurapika not-so-subtly walking into the other room while he changed and kindly not telling Chrollo after he came out that he smelt like a sex club. He ignored the small part of him that whispered it being _his_ fault for that.

(Maybe if he weren't so easily flustered that morning, Kurapika could have saved himself from himself.)

They carefully parted ways a few minutes later, Chrollo had laughed about how his friends would either be pissed or very proud of him and Kurapika had chuckled softly at him while his ears turned red. 

Kurapika was glad that the other man left quickly and ignored the part of himself that wanted Chrollo to have stayed a little longer.

Chrollo internally wished he could see the boy again in the future. 

* * *

Their desires would come true three months after Kurapika's nineteenth birthday, a month before he would take the hunters exam. 

They'd see each other in library of all places, and Chrollo would stare at the blonde, mildly baffled at his presence and slightly tempted to initiate conversation. Instead he'd go back to reading, and seven minutes later Kurapika would notice him, but also stay silent. 

Chrollo kept track of his presence throughout the store, and when the blonde left, he'd give into the temptation to put his book away and follow him. 

An hour later and Chrollo would be pushing Kurapika onto the bed of his hotel room. They'd wake up and one of them would say some off handed comment about getting to know the other better, and then they'd go to dinner together and talk and laugh and feel like they've never quite met someone who clicks with them like the other does.

They'd head back to Kurapika's hotel, and Kurapika would say into the calm silence, "I'm actually going to take the hunters exam soon." 

And then Chrollo would realise he might never see the blonde again. And that they would never work out long term, and he was putting himself in a vulnerable position by acting the way he was. He was acting in a way that was inefficient. He was being unfair, to himself, to the spider, his family and to the blonde boy who had managed to make him laugh. He wanted to take him away. Chrollo wanted to take him, wanted to steal Kurapika away from everything, the world, the potential, anything that wasn't him. 

But they were back at the hotel, and Chrollo could do a lot of things. Should do a lot of things. 

Instead he kissed Kurapika and followed him inside.

Instead he lay awake afterwards, staring at the ceiling as Kurapika's chest gently rose and fell.

Instead he got dressed silently, and crept out the window. 

Instead he pondered his meaning if it were not something like that, and reached no conclusion.

Instead he robbed the closest mansion and while he bathed in the blood of the bodies surrounding him, he grinned, for there was nothing that could make him laugh more than the crunch of victory beneath his feet and the ecstasy of taking something that did not belong to him.

Instead he took too little, left too much behind, and ignored the feeling that he had already made a mistake.


End file.
